December 1991
Local reactions to this horrible prank varied widely:
Miss Akiko Shimura, age 98: "Taihen Da!" (Translation -- "Those college pukes
should be hunted down and shot like pigs!")
Mr. Takahiro Ueda, age 34: "Nani?" (Translation -- "Well, I'll be damned.
It is upside down!")
Mr. Katsuda Ishikawa, age 102: "Yamete Kure." (Translation -- "If you kids
don't get out of my yard, I'm going to have to use this thing!")
The spectacle was even evidenced in Kofu where one woman was quoted as
saying, "I'm trying to find this man. Maybe you know his address?"
Mr. shingo "Deputy Andy" Watanabe, the robust sheriff of Yamanashi Prefecture, was brimming with confidence that by nightfall the criminal would be apprehended. "We know sho did this. The guilty party would make it a lot easier on him or herself if he or she came down to the station and confessed," he told our "On The Beat With Spim Ramsley" reporter with the steely stare and cool disposition of a young Don Knotts.
Local souvenir shop owners took this potentially disastrous affair in stride, flipping over their entire stock of Fuji wallhangings and paperweights in an ingenious merchandising scheme.
However, when by nightfall there were no new developments in the case, a general air of dread descended on the anxious Yamanashians like Ted Kennedy on a college chick. Sheriff Shingo began to show his first signs of distress when in the middle of an emergency town council meeting he leapt to his feet and, grabbing a carrot from the vegetable tray and holding it to his trembling lips like some crazy karaoke microphone, began singing "I Need A Hero."
It so reminds me of the time that Reuben Kincaid, having forgotten to take his lithium tablets for two cosecutive days, burst into my apartmetn wielding a box of butterscotch Jell-o and shouted, "If I had a yak in my closet, I could get some milk!" But I digress.
The next morning Mr. Shigeki Ozawa, a 39-year-old freshman at Tsuru Liberal Arts college, was so overwrought with guilt that he remit himself into the firm but gentle custody of "Deputy Andy" Watanabe. The only excuse he could offer for his contemptous beavio(u)r was, "It was a double-dog dare."
After administering a thorough tongue-lashing to the repentant student, Sheriff Watanabe, referring to Yamanashi Statute 11-B Section 214 concerning the willful inversion of national landmarks, sentenced Mr. Ozawa to sing Rick Springfield's hit single "Jessy's Girl" 3776 times (once for each Fuji-meter), and to head up a volunteer committee to re-erect Mt. Fuji.
With overwhelming community response, the task was completed in time to see the glorious spectacle of Mt. Fuji correctly nestled in its little corner of Yamanashi Prefecture in the full splendor of a breathtaking azure and gold sunset. Yamanashians, gazing contentedly on their Fuji-made-right, were once again reminded of the precious balance in which we all hang on this live-on-the-razor's-edge, laugh-in-the-face-of-death kind of roller coaster ride we call life. I'm Spim Ramsley, and these are my thoughts.